Escort Message Board Awards

Awards for messages posted on free escort message boards and forums. Featuring Punternet, Nadsweb, Puntingworld, Puntingzone, Cait's Coven, Punters Parlour and The Sheffield Scene

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HushHush Message Board Awards will be returning in to your screens in October 2007
Special Thanks To Vodka N Coke for The Encouragement Cait's Coven 13-08-06
"Have to say I was a little disappointed. Thought is was gonna be like the old Hush Hush board -satirical, piss taking but amusing, often very perceptive and cleverly written"

Message Board Poster Awards

January's Award Goes To ordinarybloke
"Ordinarybloke succumbs to rebranding madness.
Whale song, joss-sticks, synergy, thrust By Lunchtime O'Punt
It seems there’s been a nasty outbreak of whalesong driven rebranding madness at none other than the arfist formerly known as ordinarybloke.
Yes, the strategy boutiques were hard at it all weekend and there was more than a suggestion of joss stick scented flip-chart presentations about the poster's breathtaking new identity.
Apparently, it was all about collaboration. Not the kind that involves grassing up Brynn to Team Kama, but rather the sort of message board group hugging in which highly trained posters get busy with “Targeting Value”, “Mitigating Risk”, “Optimizing Capabilities” and “Aligning the Board”
The objective of this new punting message board paradigm was "Comprehensive, Reliable Arf! Posting", or “CRAP” for short. As one senior creative put it: "Arfing! isn’t something you can teach in a single day, its part of a poster's culture and DNA."
This may be true. Sadly, though, ordinarybloke's DNA also includes an unpleasant double recessive gene which means that if he even goes within 200 miles of a branding agency carrying the same gene, there is a one in one chance of the result being complete bollocks.
This would certainly explain ‘ordinarybloke_lite’, the bastard offspring of ordinarybloke's liaison with Mustapha Lunch, usernamesRus! Creative Department head, who explains ordinarybloke's rebrand advertising extravaganza thus:
The very soul of the new ordinarybloke_lite brand was not simply his role as a provider of arfs! but as a true collaborator with the punting community.
As the simplicity and directness of his new logo, with its cheeky yet somehow reassuringly retro underscore, it promised a relationship built on openness and trust.
To reflect this evolution, the presentation of the brand had to be straightforward and obvious -in other words, a true reflection of the core values of the poster. The creative approach to the campaign was built on this double axis.
The new brand was at once contemporary and sincere, shunning the standard images of message board stardom so often seen in today's punting message board world.
Evolution, core values, double axis - it's all horribly familiar. But if you're tempted to feel sorry for the hapless readers who read his nonsense, then spare a thought for ordinarybloke himself, who was unexpectedly treated to this synergy boosting, evolutionary vision when he was expecting to be watching Match of the Day.
The ordinarybloke lite label was designed to act as a quality label, a guarantee of a collaborative way of working with fellow posters, of commitment to mutual success and tangible value.
Above all, it was to be a leitmotiv, a sign of a shared commitment to embody the CRAP. It was not a substitute to the original brand but a seal, a stamp of approval that would become an element in a new visual identity.
Leitmotiv? Arf!."
Cait's Coven 09-01-06

December's Award Goes To Liquid
"As a race, humans are the worst.....we've systematically raped this planet of all that is good and we've all but decimated other species. It's only a question of time before we become the hunted"
Puntingworld 20-12-05

November's Award Goes To Tintin69er
"Her last evil rants really showed her true colours, she said she was going to expose Galahads personal details, she has already posted his real name, has threatened to approach his business trade organisations and generally try and screw his life up, now that affects all of us cos if G gets really pissed he could say fcukit and pull the plug here, because lets face it, who needs a mad women trying to destroy what you have spent shitloads of time building up.
All message boards should carry a warning about this person, anyone who posts in her defense should be banned from PN, It makes you think if they are Brynn in disguise, think about it, all that damming evidence and posters still think she is wonderful, or are they scared shitless of speaking out, we know what happens to those that do?
Posters must care, its our board, we give it soul, we need to be kept informed"
Galahad removed Punternet message board a few days after this message was posted. Hmmm spooky!

Octobers award went to Cammy
How can I come in her face when she licks my ass?
by Cammy -in reply to Have you ever seen such load of unpleasant bollocks?
Punternet 19-10-05

September's award goes to Buxom Brandy
"I disagree that I'm unique. When I'm selling something as intimate and sexual as my fanny, I'm afraid it's not up for bartering. It's insulting that you think you can. And I'm pretty sure a lot of ladies feel the same way.
This constant comparison with a woman's body to other business simply cannot compare imo. Some women go crazy in this business because they didn't want to be in it in the first place. Doing services they feel they have to do to make a penny. And making them feel even more like shit by lowering their self-worth just because you don't feel they're worth what they say shows them nothing but disrespect.
I maintain the right to give regular long-time clients a discount in either time or money. But that is part of my business ethic. It is not for anybody else, punter, webmaster, or any other person, to tell me how much my body's worth. Certainly not a person I haven't even met before. If you can't afford it, then you can't have it"
Puntingzone 27-09-05

August's award goes to Silver...
"I don't give a rats arse about the PNMB and the blabbering fools who post on it. It does nothing but create a Dickensian image of some seedy ramshackle whorehouse populated by a strange brainless underclass of humanity all trying to be heard above their own stench"
Nadsweb 20-08-05

July's award goes to Petrena...
"You men have lots of turn offs that would repulse any woman, let alone a working girl. Manners are none existent with some of the punters, who don’t even offer so much as a drink of water. You either get the money chucked at you in a derogative manner, then the girl is either pounced on, or you give that I have paid for you look, so get on with it.
The vast majority of punters are overweight themselves, smelly and a woman shouldn’t have to suggest that you make sure that you at least make sure you are clean, some of you can’t even clean your own bum properly after using the toilet, yet you expect all kinds of services, and have a tantrum when you are asked to have a bath or shower beforehand. Some of you smell of stale tobacco, and stale booze, which does make some women, want to gag when you insist on French kissing without the thought of using a mouthwash at least.
Then comes your expertise in the art of sex, which is non existent, you have the breast men who think they are going to get a radio station by using the nipples as a radio dial, or you have to bite hard, or which if a woman was to give you the same treatment would have jump through the roof. Next comes the pathetic attempts at oral, and you have some joker thinking its brilliant to bite the clit, which is just like biting the balls or your cock. However you insist that this is a big turn on, then you have to ram as many fingers roughly in her, thinking the harder you pump her, the more she is going to moan, yes she is moaning alright, but not because of pleasure, but of the pain she is in with the rough handling, in all this, the woman is suppose to come, however the women have to have a back up plan of using a vibrator before you turn up in order to minimise the effects of your rough handling. Next comes the major event, and if the girl is lucky you may have some knowledge and can have some fun with various positions, if not, you think ramming a girl as hard as you can is brilliant, depending on the length of time between 5 mins to 15 mins on a normal shag, to an impressive 30 mins sometimes.
Then comes the afterglow, which is generally, a dash to the loo, where you haven’t the decency to close the door, the first noise being an enormous fart, and then hearing you piss like a waterfall, or you have a big shit which smells the whole room out, Then it’s our turn to use the bathroom, and the impressive pissing waterfall has resulted in the entire seat being wet through and surrounding floor or being gassed by the impressive shiting contest the prior occupant has just had, which is suppose to be so manly and suppose make the woman feel very lucky for the unforgettable experience she has just had..."
-Petrena's epitaph on Punternet 18-07-05

June's award went to Cactus Jack...
"Your the best at posting abuse fuckwit. I remember the poison you posted on that MB. You one sick motherfucker you are who loves to abuse women in particular your fixation with Angie and anyone who dares to back her up or agree with her, which is quite sick and is really unhealthy from where I am reading it. One hell of an abuser you are. But do keep your hilarity up as I find you as funny as fuck in your opinion of me.
As for your question at the end, try to get a few facts sorted before you ask me a question, otherwise you'll look a right thick bastard"
-Cactus Jack's angry reply to 'Is there anyone you don't abuse you vile little man' by Dr Who on Punternet 14-06-05

Our first ever award went to Nadia Imani...
"the type of single mother you would see in any post office across the land on a monday morning waiting in a queue to collect her child benefit. She had tattoos, gold sovereign rings on almost every finger, horrible cheap jeans on, a very pasty complexion, bad, rotten teeth, chipped nail varnish, off white cheap sweatshirt"
-Nadia Imani describing Angie Riley on Nadsweb 19-05-05. Sadly the message is no longer publicly available.

More awards coming shortly. Biggest Bitch, Biggest Crybaby, Most Obvious Pimp, Most Evil Man, Most Evil Woman, Biggest Waste Of Space, Biggest Hypocrite, Greatest Liar, Funniest Comment, Most Intelligent Comment, Worst Piece Of Advice, Best Piece Of Advice, Most Overrated, Most Transparent, Most controversial etc etc etc.

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